The Grass is Greener with Jésus

The grass is greener on the other side
Because they have a better gardener.
He is a Mexican from the Yucatan Peninsula.
His name is Jésus.
Jésus is the direct descendent of a conquistador
He says that’s why he grows such nice grass.

My grass is pretty good
Not like the other side
But I don’t have a gardener
I don’t really need good grass though,
Because Jésus says
I can come over and have a picnic any time,
As long as the other side people aren’t home
What else is green grass good for except picnics?

Pirate Love

I met a pirate at Price Chopper
He had an eye patch
And smelled like feet.
Just my type
I pushed my cart up to his.
Smiled Winked
And Asked him if
I could walk the plank.

He hooked a package of bacon
From my cart.
And told me he would gut me like a fish.
Just my type
I touched his metal hand
Strong Cruel
I was in love
With the scallywag

His wooden leg was hand made
And went all the way
Up to his pirate hip
Just my type
I kissed his check
Dirty Diseased
He spit on the floor
Next to my high heal shoe.

Rrrrr He said
Like a school boy
With a speech impediment
Just my type
I’m married to the sea He said
Vast Rough
No woman could ever
Have my heart

The sea dog sauntered
Out of the frozen foods section
And out of my life
Just my luck
But that’s what pirates do
Sac Pilage
And turn down fast women
At Price Chopper